Miami Dolphins

The Dolphins aren’t going to go 0-16!

The 2019 Miami Dolphins will not be the worst team of all time. They are champions of the New York Jets, as they move to 1-7 on the year. Congratulations.

If there ever was a reason to party down in South Beach, the 2019 Miami Dolphins just did the unthinkable. They just won a football game over the putrid New York Jets to improve to 1-7 on the year. Miami isn’t going 0-16 this year! Let’s party!

While they did their best to not contract gangrene after handling Gang Green 26-18, the Dolphins are no longer making Darius Rucker cry. The Hootie and the Blowfish frontman can thank his alma mater South Carolina Gamecocks for that. At least they beat the Georgia Bulldogs a few weeks ago. But enough about college stuff, the Dolphins just won a freaking football game that counted!

This game was an incredibly tough watch. Jets head coach Adam Game tried to cover up his eyes with his ball cap to avoid witnessing his new team losing to his former team. The Jets are now in contention for the Tua Tagovailoa sweepstakes that they never thought they’d be a part of. But if Sam Darnold keeps seeing ghosts, you never know. Could he get the Josh Rosen treatment?

But let’s not rip Rosen too bad today. He did his part in not playing a snap to help Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Dolphins win a football game. Miami head coach Brian Flores still has a chance to not have a coaching record the likes of Hue Jackson or Gus Bradley. Better yet, the Dolphins can still win a few more games this season! What if I told you 5-11 is now a possibility? Let that sink in.

The Dolphins have a few winnable games left on the slate. They can beat the Cleveland Browns on the road, the Jets for a second time, this time on the road, the New York Giants on the road and the absolutely atrocious Cincinnati Bengals. The only team the rest of the way they can’t beat is the New England Patriots, but they get them at home in Week 17. We’ve seen crazier things happen.

So congratulations, Dolphins. You can party harder than Alexander Ovechkin winning a Stanley Cup tonight. You’re surely going to get your brains beat in next week on the road against the Indianapolis Colts, but that weeklong hangover will be worth it. Losing all of your games is no longer an option. You gotta channel your inner Oakland Raiders and Just Win, Baby going forward.

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