The NFL season is still a few months away but here are the completely correct and guaranteed over/unders for each team’s projected win total.
The NFL season is still a ways away but it is never too early to over-analyze every offseason move and guess win totals for every single NFL team. Through a combination of team stereotypes, a dash of research and a large scoop of “I just know,” we have over 9,500 words of completely logical football analysis.
Predicting win totals in the NFL is tricky, especially in June. One big injury could derail multiple predictions. Still, a one-year-old could probably point up or down for each team and put together a respectable list. Certainly, I think I’m a touch more in-tune with the NFL than a one-year-old.
What a great opportunity to piss off all 32 fan bases! If you disagree with some, any or all of these, feel free to spend the entire season tracking them. Get back to me in January with the results.
Arizona Cardinals – OVER 5
New coach, new quarterback, new Cardinals? With Kliff Kingsbury taking over the Cardianls offense, Kyler Murray starting at the QB position, a lock receiver in Larry Fitzgerald and David Johnson presumably alive, well and due for a bounce back year, the Cardinals might be a fun team to watch this season. They might also be a total disaster.
The Cardinals went 3-13 with Josh Rozen putting up the most underwheling stat lines of all time. He’s going to be much better than he was last year, but the Cardinals couldn’t pass up the possibility of landing a generational player in Kyler Murray. Everything rests in his hands this season. If Murray comes out and plays like a starting NFL QB, the Cardinals could make me look like a genius for giving them over five wins. If he isn’t quite there yet, they could go 3-13 again and I look like an idiot.
The Cards added some nice pieces on D in the offseason, but the lost Patrick Peterson to a suspension for the first six games of the season. This, paired with a very old Terrell Suggs leading the D is going to put them right back in the bottom half of the league’s defenses to start the season. With an offensive-minded coach leading the team, don’t expect them to shut anyone down anyway.
Under 5 just seems too low given the talent and potential on this Cardinals roster. They have some flashy new players on offense and a coach that is likely going to let them shine. The Cards also drafted three potentially explosive receivers in Hakeem Butler, Andy Isabella and KeeSean Johnson. Don’t be surprised if one of these three has a nice rookie season (and all three end up being decent in a few years).
The rest of the NFC West is slightly ahead of this Cards team. The Seahawks and Rams will both compete for playoff positions and the 49ers hope to have a full season with Jimmy Garoppolo, in which they could do some damage. That being said, this Cardinals could be good and will probably show a lot of upside. Expect them to finish somewhere around 7-9.