Chicagoans are starting to turn on one Mitchell Trubisky, with restaurants proclaiming his accuracy issues as an apt social distancing measurement.
Chicagoans must have themselves some Big Nick Energy these days.
With the arrival of Nick Foles to the Windy City, it means the clock is ticking on Mitchell Trubisky‘s time as the Chicago Bears‘ starting quarterback. It’s not a matter of if but when Foles will inevitably beat Trubisky out during fall camp for the starting job. Head coach Matt Nagy could not be happier to hand the keys to his precious football Ferrari to the Super Bowl 51 MVP.
For the better part of a year, Trubisky has been dunked on by NFL fans harder than Shawn Bradley ever was in the NBA paint. Even if you fall seven times and get up eight, people are going to get really sick and tired of you falling down. You can’t win when you’re living on your ass!
With rampant accuracy issues and yards-per-attempt averages approximating his own wingspan, Trubisky has become a punching bag for many Chicagoans. Though it’s getting out of hand, it’s still really, really funny. Just look at what this one Chicago restaurant said about Trubisky in relation to social distancing measures. An absolutely savage takedown with the ferocity of a 46 Defense.
There is a framed message sitting atop a nice checkered cloth table, telling us everything we need to know about how to social distance properly in public settings.
“During this coronavirus outbreak, remember to remain at least 10 feet away from others. If you’re wondering how far that is, picture a Bears wide receiver and then imagine where Trubisky actually threw the pass. That distance is about 10 feet.”
If this doesn’t hit too close to home for Allen Robinson, I don’t know what does. The poor guy has had to deal with the following quarterbacks since leaving high school: Christian Hackenberg, Blake Bortles and Mitchell Trubisky. He deserves an award or at least a hug, once we can get back to doing those sort of things.
So can we use a Trubisky as a form of measurement now? The better question is, how are we not going to use a Trubisky as a measuring tool from this point on? Instead of calling it a story when going vertical, 10 feet is now called a Trubisky when measuring laterally. We’re talking about 528 Trubiskies in a mile, baby!
To better illustrate how a Trubisky can help decimalize the standard measuring system, hear me out. One Trubisky is about as tall as it is from the hardwood to the rim in basketball. There are three Trubiskies in one set of downs in football. Three yards and a cloud of dust is precisely one Trubisky. And there are 10 Trubiskies from one goal-line to the other on an American gridiron.
If this goes down, and for the love of God goes viral, this will be the greatest form of measure established bearing one’s name in professional sports since the Mendoza Line in baseball. If we’re going to cross-pollinate sports references, missing your receiving target by one Trubisky means you’re hovering around the Mendoza Line and batting .200. All it means is you’re getting benched.