Jason Kelce is a bona fide Philadelphia Eagles legend living among mortals.
Jason Kelce taking to a practice field is simply undeniable and triumphant magnificence.
This is a same man who gave us the greatest speech in Philadelphia sports history when his Philadelphia Eagles won Super Bowl 51 over the New England Patriots. He donned a Mummers Parade outfit, serving as the ultimate tone-setter for what championship pedigree looks like. Three years later, he is a godlike presence when he walks onto the practice field.
Jason Kelce proves not all heroes wear capes, but they sport epic mullets.
For those sporting a quarantine dad bod with a Bono Vox “This is 40!” Mike Gundy mullet, we will be sure to tell the next person we encounter while drinking a beer about how we were this close to going pro in sports. In truth, we all went pro in something other than sports. We don’t lift weights anymore, just toddlers or pint glasses for those of us without toddlers. So we all still lift.
Kelce showed us taking a buzzer to your noggin is a terrible idea. When you can harvest delicious lettuce like that, you let it bounce in the breeze in all its glory like you would cranking some yacht rock on the back of a pontoon boat. We all can’t be winners, but we can all be awe-inspired. Halloween will be here before you know it. You’ve got time to cultivate some mass and let it flow.
We may not ever be as blessed as the fine folks in New York or Tulsa to be graced with of Dr. Manhattan, but this is the closest many of us ever feel to being in the presence of an almighty blue god. It doesn’t matter that all the Eagles’ first-round picks keep getting hurt, Philadelphia is going 16-0 and ruining the 1972 Miami Dolphins’ dreams this season strictly because of Kelce.
When he and his younger brother Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs retire many eons from now, the world deserves to have them star in a sitcom on a major television network. We have plenty of time to think of a witty pun based on their surname, but this show will be as epic as their Super Bowl parades. The way Kelce took to the practice field was more beautiful than Magnum.
If you look Kelce in the eye, there is a 99.7 percent chance you will turn to stone, so don’t try it.